How to deal with male sexual performance anxiety?
In an ideal world, sex would all be about pleasure, releiving stress, and just having a good time. Unfortunately, that’s not the case for many men. For them, sex is a stress giver, and not a stress reliever; sex isn’t about having fun, but wondering how it could be fun at all; it is a test, one they so desperately want to ace that the performance becomes more important for them than the act itself. They suffer from what we call male sexual performance anxiety.
What Is Sexual Performance Anxiety?
Sexual performance anxiety refers to the state of feeling anxious before, during, and/or after sex. That is a very broad definition, and it covers a spectrum of emotions and issues - from doubting your ability to perform to worrying about pleasing your partner to holding up to your partner’s expectations and even comparing favourably to her previous partners.
Sexual performance anxiety among men can stem from various avenues. It could be a direct consequence of smoking, alcohol, drug use, ageing, etc. But the most common causes are psychological, mostly stress, anxiety, and overthinking.
For those who suffer from it, it is very easy to fall into a vicious cycle: experiencing anxiety before sex hampers sexual performance which then creates even more anxiety! This can lead to premature ejaculation, lack of sexual enjoyment, and even more serious issues such as erectile dysfunction, all of which could cause more sexual and relationship problems. So what may initially seem to be a minor issue could quickly snowball into a huge problem.
How Can I Overcome Sexual Performance Anxiety?
If you suffer from this anxiety, allow us to tell you two things - one, you’re not alone! There are millions of men around the world who go through the same gamut of unpleasant emotions each time they have sex. And two, there are things you could do to overcome it and enjoy your sex life more. You can try several ideas to tackle sexual performance anxiety. Here’s an overview of some of them.
Talk To Your Partner!
As human beings, we tend to overthink certain issues and make them seem more serious than they actually are. Talk to your partner about your performance anxiety. Not only will it help lift a burden off your chest, you’d probably realize that many of your anxieties were probably unfounded. Your partner would most likely be very understanding about it. And if your partner agrees that there is indeed a performance issue, try to work towards a solution together. Ask her how you could get better at it and use her suggestions the next time you have sex.
As we said before, sexual performance anxiety has more to do with the mental side of things than anything else. So consulting a therapist or a counselor would be advisable. You can even take your partner along. A therapist won’t just help you overcome your anxiety and relieve your burden by discussing it professionally, they can also advise about techniques that could improve your performance.
Quite often, sexual performance anxiety stems from self perceptions about how you look while doing it. Low self-confidence is also a contributing factor. Getting in good physical shape makes you look and feel good and boosts your confidence. Enhanced stamina is an added advantage. Lastly, exercise releases endorphins, which help reduce stress and improve your mood..
Set Realistic Expectations
With internet porn available at our fingertips, an awful lot of men tend to develop unrealistic views of what sex is, or rather what it should be. But remember that those are still ‘just movies’. Sex is very different in reality. So don’t expect yourself to perform at the level depicted in these films. And guess what, your partner most likely doesn’t expect you to do so!
Don’t Worry About Performing At 100% Every Time
Are you afraid that you won’t get a proper erection? Or that you’d orgasm too quickly? Or fail to make your woman orgasm? If you do, then stop stressing out about such thoughts and understand that whatever happens (or doesn’t happen) is okay. Do you perform at your 100% consistently at any other thing throughout your life? Then why should you expect a 10/10 performance from yourself in bed every time? Be okay with not being at your best every night. It’s normal!
Just Be In The Moment
Shift the focus off of your performance evaluation and onto enjoying the raw pleasure and sensations that great sex provides. Get out of your head and live in the moment. Just enjoy the process; every stage of the process. In case you lose your erection because of something, don’t think about it. Instead, shift to kissing, foreplay, or pleasuring your woman and do so with a clear head. In the absence of distracting thoughts and with stimulating physical sensations, you’ll probably find your erection back in no time.
Try Sex Toys
Indian sex toys could be great accessories for you if you struggle getting an erection or ejaculate prematurely. A sex toy will come in more than handy for satisfying your woman in such cases. Start with dildos and sex vibrators and then if you want to, you can turn it up a notch with more kinky stuff, which also may help you get an erection sooner and for longer.
Sex should always be a source of pleasure and not anxiety. And if you find the opposite to be true for yourself, try implementing the tips discussed in this article. They’ll most likely help you enjoy a satisfying and stress-free sex life. Have fun!